Why Much Music Why?

I am having trouble getting my thoughts together on more serious matters affecting the world today.

So, when writer’s block strikes, start talking inane celebrities.  Or coverage there of.

That’s where Much Music, and their program “Born To Be”, comes in.  The program of course covers artists who are… duh, “Born To Be”.  Of course there once was a time when this phrase was generally directed towards people who acheive something worth merit.  For example, one might say Winston Churchill was born to be a leader due to the characteristics he showed leading Britain throught the second World War.  Very rarely does one say Uncle Billy was born to be a pedaphile due to his creepy glares aimed at children in the park.  Much Music was sure to rub the luster off the phrase however and some one who is “born to be” is anyone who has ever hit the music charts.  I waiting for the episode on Hanson.

Oh wait I already got one.  Oops sorry… that’s the Jonas Brothers.  First of all, the name, seriously there is no way you could be more unoriginal.  Suddenly the “Jackson 5″ is pure genius.

What’s worse however is the nearly orgasmic tone everyone’s favourite dumb blonde uses to describe how banal they are.

I mean did you know they write their own songs?  Shocker! I can’t believe that music that shitty was by people with minimal, if any, musical talent.

They are good looking! Right.  Knock it down to the fact that I’m not a twelve year old girl but I have no interest in boys who don’t look like they’ve had their balls drop yet.

There wear chastity rings in this day and age! Wow. Special.  Because this is obviously the first time a teenage celebrity has publicly made the comment that they will stay “pure” until marriage.  Except you know most of the teen tarts of the late 1990’s including Britney Spears, and we all know how well that one turned out.

Personally I’m dissapointed in Much Music.  Isn’t their sole function the importation of crap American pop culture into Canada?  I mean shouldn’t they know that “virginity” pledges are almost as popular as fucking among teenagers these days?  I mean it’s the thing to do. You take your virginity pledge and then engage in plenty of oral and anal sex (without protection of course) in order to remain pure for your future husband or wife.  Jeez Much, get it together.

Yes, yes I understand little tweens love them, and it makes me gag; but it’s ok that they are liked simply for the fact that they are completely non-threatening. So please, please stop trying to make them into pop star gods until they prove that they will actually be around in the next ten years.

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