Theory On Rich Entitled Assholes
I have to admit, there are some perks to living near a rich area of the city. Number one, the streets are clean, literally and figuratively. Services like the police force and garbage collection will always be quicker to respond and be on schedule in areas where the people are most likely to complain, and more likely to house city officials. So the garbage collection comes on time and the street cleaners come by regularly.
Another benefit of course is that people seem to think I’m doing alright for myself when I tell them that I live near *cough* Forest Hill *cough*. Even when I tell them I rent a two bedroom apartment with my boyfriend that is technically outside of rich neighbourhoods in the area they still assume that I must be living in a decently swanky place. Meanwhile my partner and I are living in one of the cheapest apartments we could find that wasn’t located underground and the refrigerator is leaking all over my kitchen floor, but I digress.
There are however some issues living in a more affluent neighbourhood. For instance when walking at the crosswalks I never seem to almost get run over by the Honda Civics or the Ford Focuses, no it tends to be the Lincoln Navigators and various Mercedes who don’t mind scattering a few pedestrians while they make their right hand turns. See it’s a problem of entitlement. Why worry about some human being when the vehicle you drive starts at $50,000, with four wheel drive, that you never take off the city streets, getting 13 miles per gallon?
That’s just one behaviour that is rampant in this neighbourhood. Along with it we have the “Why isn’t everything exactly to my liking?” temper tantrums, the “everything should revolve around my schedule” hissy fits, and the “oh dear, is that minority actually shopping here and not just working here?” gasps. It’s a sad view of humanity folks, a sad view of humanity.
It is important to distinguish that this is a particular type of asshole. This rich entitled asshole is an asshole simply because they are rich. See they own a home worth nearly a million dollars and should therefore be treated better by the likes of the “common” people. To them rich equals better, so if you aren’t treating them better than everybody else, what’s the point of being rich? They simply feel entitled to anything and everything they want.
So what exactly increases one’s chances of being a rich, entitled, asshole? Well there is actually a bit of a formula to it. First of course, we start off with income, the starting point will actually vary by area depending on the average income in the area. If you live in the middle of nowhere, you may start to show signs of asshole even if your yearly income is only about $85,000; if there are enough people of lower income brackets around you. In Toronto though the asshole starts to creep in once your family’s yearly income comes in around $180 thousand dollars a year, depending of course on the area. Unfortunately once you hit that mark your chances of being an entitled asshole doubles for every $10,000 increase in income.
Other factors: Ratio of bathrooms to people in your home, any ratio higher than 1:1 is a problem, double your chances of asshole for every bathroom you have over the number of people in you household. The car you drive, if you have a SUV that has four wheel drive, or is capable of four wheel drive and yet you have never driven off-road, your chances of asshole goes up four times. If you have two SUV’s sitting out in your garage, double your chances for asshole, because let’s be honest, practically no one actually uses two SUV’s let alone needs them, at least one becomes strictly a gas guzzling commuter vehicle. The stores you shop at, anything in your closet from Holt Renfrew? Double the asshole quotient, for each piece of overpriced and likely, ugly, designer wear please. Do you frequent Pusateri’s? That’s at least triple the asshole.
This of course does not mean that everyone who happens to have a little money is an automatic asshole. I’m sure we’ve also encountered a lot of rich individuals that happen to also be quite nice, however it still remains that with more money, and more personal spending leads to a higher chance of being an entitled asshole. Yet amazingly we generally still want to be one.
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